There was a silence enveloping you again.
You should be the one I’m marrying.” He whispered. “Nothing’s ever been fair from the start.” He cut you off. And you should start opening up to your fiancée, Jae.” You said, too tired to hide your pain. “Maybe we should stop this.” You whispered again. Tears were falling down your eyes, mirroring Jaehyun’s expression. You’re sure the sound of it will haunt you for the rest of your life. I have to do this for my family.” He was completely sobbing. He was facing you with his head chin down. “You know I have no choice.” He repeated, this time, completely succumbing to his tears as he held your hands to his. No, you’re not showing anything to him, not when he’s like this. You’re also trying so hard to hide any emotions from him. “You know, I have no choice.” His voice was higher this time. I just don’t want to be your option.” Your voice comes out so strong that he almost flinches at your tone. “You’re selfish, Jae! I can’t be here waiting for you everytime you want an escape. He couldn’t trust himself to talk anymore knowing he’ll break down anytime soon. Seeing you start your own family with another person.” He said, trying to suppress the tears that’s about to fall from his eyes. “I don’t even want to imagine seeing you…. “I don’t want to see you with anyone else.” His voice almost broke you. All your hopes into him dropping the subject completely were shattered as he voiced out his next words. It was a good five minutes when Jaehyun spoke again. This conversation always happens with Jaehyun anyways. The both of you continued to look at it, not really watching it. The noise coming from the television seems to fade in the background. You’re probably too numb to pain anything anymore. You can’t lock me up just because you want to.” There’s no resentment in your voice as you uttered these words casually. You chuckled, “That’s unfair, Jae!” You shook your head and looked away. This time, he was looking directly at you, searching for your eyes in hope he could find the answer in it. “Will you wait for me, then?” The longing on his voice is evident. But Jaehyun knows you, he knows you so well that he could feel your pain. So, no, Jae! You’re not leading me on.” You said those words confidently. We were friends first before any of these feelings came.
His eyes are still fixated on the television in front of you but you know he’s not paying attention to it. “If I was any other girl out there, I would say "Yes, you’re leading me on.” You paused, carefully looking at his side profile. The answer that left your mouth is the only right response you could think of at the moment.
No, you shouldn’t be doing a movie night together either. You shouldn’t be this close to each other. You can almost hear the faint pain in his tone. “Do you think I’m leading you on?” He asked solemnly. It was a hauntingly familiar scene with you and Jaehyun side by side in a comfortable silence. Two mugs of hot chocolate with marshmallows sit on the coffee table, half empty, as you and Jaehyun continue to watch a film - A Saturday night tradition that the both of you started five years ago when you started dating. The hearth at your side continues to provide warm as well.
He put his arms around your shoulders, pulling you closer to his body to provide warm. Jaehyun noticed your actions, trying to warm your body as the snow outside continues to fall. You snuggled the blanket closer to your face, almost covering a third of your face, as you lean your head towards Jaehyun’s shoulder.